paint as icing

I swirl and frost the surface, becoming enraptured with the delicious colours and palatable texture.  Knifes and brushes brought out, often fingers to move the icing about to it's most appetizing.  Readying the whole to be consumed at some point by the fortunate recipient of a homemade layer cake.  Is is sweet or bitter?  Does it taste the way it looks?  Are you surprised once you place it in your mouth? What does your tongue tell you? What is your heart saying?

double trouble

dynamic duo

wonder twins

monkey see, monkey do

next level every time

les jumeaux infernos

after all the sh** i've been thru, i will not be brought down by a couple of 5 year olds.  pretty close today but MUST not let it get to me.

they are so wonderfully connected, it's a privilege for me to even be a part of, to witness these identical twin boys.  but why must they derive such pleasure in behaving badly.  some days.  i see their little mischievous faces delight in mamma's frustration and they look at each other and silently agree without speaking that this is fun and lets see if we can take it further. and they do. and then again.  it's a downward spiral into trouble and they revel in it, laugh, buoyed by each others bravado to dig even deeper.  how far can we take this?  there i am feeding it.  they've got me, i'm turning a different shade, lecturing with words like respect, consideration and all they hear is blah, blah, blah and suddenly i've turned into a very funny cartoon character that is about to blow.  how much patience can a person have?

when i was a kid my mom had a wicked temper.  i swear i saw smoke coming from her ears.  she was holding a broom, in the kitchen and swiping at anyone who came close.  she was yelling, with such force that i looked at her and saw the smoke coming out her ears and her eyes blazed red.  if there was a devil, that's what he looked like.  i ran.  i hid in the downstairs closet, in the very very back, for what seemed like ages not daring to make a sound.  such duality in her.  and this i remember probably more than all the hugs, the kisses.

i don't want this for my kids.  not the fear.  not the yelling or hitting, not any of it.  the 'because i said so'.  the finality of the authority, this was what i knew and feared.   i tread carefully.  my kids need to know what emotion is and when i'm upset and what it looks like as this is authentic.  but i can't lose it, they don't need that, i don't need that.  so when they are fast asleep i'll quietly go into their room and make my promises to their sweet sleeping heads and kiss those faces that have taught me what fierce love really is.  this will make me stronger. (repeat. will make me stronger...)

i hear ya René.

"I entirely abandoned the study of letters. Resolving to seek no knowledge other than that of which could be found in myself or else in the great book of the world, I spent the rest of my youth traveling, visiting courts and armies, mixing with people of diverse temperaments and ranks, gathering various experiences, testing myself in the situations which fortune offered me, and at all times reflecting upon whatever came my way so as to derive some profit from it." (Descartes,Discourse on the Method).


minus the courts and armies part i totally hear ya.

not fired

what i like this piece mostly it's movement. it's animated.  it looks like it could run up to you, offer to carry something and then skuddle off. what's it for? what makes it so familiar? it's based off a fossil of a sea sponge. extinct now but once a simple organism that covered our sea floor. it makes me question our own position on this planet, are we really so special?


one day, i'll fire it.  one day when i have access to a high fire kiln that can handle porcelain.  let that be soon!!

Nacho Carbonell

really digging this piece in particular.  great site.

trying out acrylic

hard time painting with oils in my little room upstairs beside all the kid's rooms.  so stinky!  on the series i'm working on i've been attempting acrylic.  when i was pregnant with d i did a series of 'domestic' paintings strictly done with house paints and it was great.  the clean up so easy, no toxic fumes, brushes saved.

but seriously. it's not the same and i miss oils.  i need to paint with oils.  guess i'll have to open windows, get a fan, light some candles and get back to it.  now that the weather is nice maybe i'll clean out garage and claim it as my own.  hard though when looking at all the stuff three kids and two adults have dumped in there over the past few years. bikes, toboggans, snowblowers... daunting.

once again faced with the challenge of switching back and forth between obsessive painting and mothering.  i need to think about my paintings and be on top of the work, the steps that need to be taken to get it done- on this i'm very task orientated but at the same time i have to schedule in my kid's needs and it's hard.  i lost my temper with j today and i feel such a jerk.  later he asked me to be be nice mommy again to which i retorted, 'could you be listening to mommy j?'  i'm struggling to keep my momentum up and thought process going with my painting and to also take care of my kid's needs.  it's hard not to build resentment.

i'm reminded that without my kids, i would be not be in the healthy, happy mind set i'm in now and on the flip side, without my art i would be an awful mom... so carry on. remind myself to live in the moment, this is only going to happen once and i don't need to be perfect.

Cy Twombly

great interview, great artist.

just discovered and trying to digest his paintings.

on nature

"The attitude that nature is chaotic and that the artist puts order into it is a very absurd point of view I think.  All that we can hope for is to put some order into ourselves."  Willem de Kooning

lines

i love the purity of line.  to me it doesn't get much better.  to get lost in a line.  finding a line that perfectly expresses something is kinda like tuning a guitar.  plink, plink, plink, plinking until it comes out right.  for me, when i get it right i know it instantly, it just sits right.
vibrating endlessly.
static

 every once in awhile i'll catch an elusive line that'll just sing for me.

i love visiting those lines. 

(maybe it's just my eyes that loves them.)

"What is left undone is as necessary to a true work of art as what is done."— American sculptor William Wetmore Story 

that rings true for me in this drawing, i like all the unfinished spaces maybe even more than the finished parts.  there is lots of space surrounding that leaves room for the eye to sit on those lines .

back

taking break from series with this. always seem to go back to the female body.

Betty Woodman Installation in China

such a great peak into what goes into a major installation like this.

i'm also totally curious about how much dough they spent on art!  i mean wow!  god bless those americans.  pretty incredable- if i ever go to china i want to check the american embassy out.  wonder if they let in canadians...

Betty Woodman

went to see Betty Woodman give a lecture the other night at the AGO.  It was really interesting to view her work and listen to her talk about her instillations.  i'm most interested in her as a ceramic artist that approaches her work very much from a painterly point of view.  her wall pieces are pretty spectacular and i loved seeing the evolution from an idea into what she is making now.

she showed a short film that i'll post. so good.

i wanted to find out more about what she would have to say about if she approaches her work as a ceramic artist, a painter or a sculptor.  I love that her work spans one, two, three dimensional aspects and maybe her approach is so unique because simply, she is all three.  Craftsmen, artist, doer.  I loved her large wall pieces and was very interested in them as murals- the space she leaves them, the colours and combining actual painting.

At the end there was a q&a and someone asked her something to the effect of how she always finds joy in life with her use colour.  I really liked her response- she basically said that she didn't think it was right to psychoanalyze an artist's life by their work.  I think the audio from the talk can be heard on the ago blog site.  it may not be up yet.

I've recently been reading about Picasso and the relationship between his paintings and sculptures and i couldn't help think about that as i listened to betty.

this is a quote i really liked;
"in some cases his sculpture is inspired by his paintings but at other times it is the very opposite; he may convert a canvas into a sculpture.  Or from a sculpture motif he may make an entire painting."
James Sabartes on Picasso

cedarvale loop

this is the run i do. 9k.

new painting, acrylic

looking over it

recently i went thru a bunch of old poetry and journals.  i copied stuff out, read it out loud and i can't believe how effected i was.  it all just sat there for days as i tried my best to smile for the kids and listen to them ask me all those VERY IMPORTANT QUESTIONS RIGHT NOW MAMA.  bed time comes and i tuck them in all happy and spent and my mind can return to it.  part of me just felt so sad, like it was all so wasted.  sitting there.  but then something clicked for me, i can't remember when, coulda been walking home after school drop off, washing dishes after omelettes, watching the boys in the tub, the words were and are information.  they are an emotional snapshot of a time that couldn't ever have been recorded any other way.

i have been painting for awhile now and was so uncertain about my voice for so long but i think with maturity i see it coming together, it was always there, i just needed to find the best way express it.  so much practise with the paint. so much experimenting, what an affair.  in one of my writings i draw beside it.  as i read it i can see the colours whirling around, creating washes and blending.  contrast. line. a little of both over here. faded over there.  i'm picking up my brushes daily now and thanking myself for providing clues and material for what i can now express.

thank you clay for giving me the time i needed to build my skills. i just didn't expect it to effect my painting this way. i want my paintings to be authentic and emotional, i feel i'm achieving this.  (god i hope i am)  will post nearly finished painting based on some writing soon.

year of the rabbit

video

i was born year of the rabbit so i'm counting this as my year.  i plan to put myself and my art out there more than i have.  i had this weird moment in yoga class this past january where the instructor was yada yada yada and then whispered in a strange voice "do not squander your life".  it really kinda hit home with me and i've been thinking about it often.  creatively i've been making art for close to 15 years now.  has it taken me so long to get my skills up to where i feel good about showing my work or have i just been scared?  well i feel all my stars are lining up and i'm taking the year of the rabbit as my cue to put it out there more.

my kids really do bring out the best in me, if i keep teaching them and coaching them to take responsible risks i really gotta walk the walk.