paint as icing

I swirl and frost the surface, becoming enraptured with the delicious colours and palatable texture.  Knifes and brushes brought out, often fingers to move the icing about to it's most appetizing.  Readying the whole to be consumed at some point by the fortunate recipient of a homemade layer cake.  Is is sweet or bitter?  Does it taste the way it looks?  Are you surprised once you place it in your mouth? What does your tongue tell you? What is your heart saying?

double trouble

dynamic duo

wonder twins

monkey see, monkey do

next level every time

les jumeaux infernos

after all the sh** i've been thru, i will not be brought down by a couple of 5 year olds.  pretty close today but MUST not let it get to me.

they are so wonderfully connected, it's a privilege for me to even be a part of, to witness these identical twin boys.  but why must they derive such pleasure in behaving badly.  some days.  i see their little mischievous faces delight in mamma's frustration and they look at each other and silently agree without speaking that this is fun and lets see if we can take it further. and they do. and then again.  it's a downward spiral into trouble and they revel in it, laugh, buoyed by each others bravado to dig even deeper.  how far can we take this?  there i am feeding it.  they've got me, i'm turning a different shade, lecturing with words like respect, consideration and all they hear is blah, blah, blah and suddenly i've turned into a very funny cartoon character that is about to blow.  how much patience can a person have?

when i was a kid my mom had a wicked temper.  i swear i saw smoke coming from her ears.  she was holding a broom, in the kitchen and swiping at anyone who came close.  she was yelling, with such force that i looked at her and saw the smoke coming out her ears and her eyes blazed red.  if there was a devil, that's what he looked like.  i ran.  i hid in the downstairs closet, in the very very back, for what seemed like ages not daring to make a sound.  such duality in her.  and this i remember probably more than all the hugs, the kisses.

i don't want this for my kids.  not the fear.  not the yelling or hitting, not any of it.  the 'because i said so'.  the finality of the authority, this was what i knew and feared.   i tread carefully.  my kids need to know what emotion is and when i'm upset and what it looks like as this is authentic.  but i can't lose it, they don't need that, i don't need that.  so when they are fast asleep i'll quietly go into their room and make my promises to their sweet sleeping heads and kiss those faces that have taught me what fierce love really is.  this will make me stronger. (repeat. will make me stronger...)

i hear ya René.

"I entirely abandoned the study of letters. Resolving to seek no knowledge other than that of which could be found in myself or else in the great book of the world, I spent the rest of my youth traveling, visiting courts and armies, mixing with people of diverse temperaments and ranks, gathering various experiences, testing myself in the situations which fortune offered me, and at all times reflecting upon whatever came my way so as to derive some profit from it." (Descartes,Discourse on the Method).


minus the courts and armies part i totally hear ya.

not fired

what i like this piece mostly it's movement. it's animated.  it looks like it could run up to you, offer to carry something and then skuddle off. what's it for? what makes it so familiar? it's based off a fossil of a sea sponge. extinct now but once a simple organism that covered our sea floor. it makes me question our own position on this planet, are we really so special?


one day, i'll fire it.  one day when i have access to a high fire kiln that can handle porcelain.  let that be soon!!

Nacho Carbonell

really digging this piece in particular.  great site.

trying out acrylic

hard time painting with oils in my little room upstairs beside all the kid's rooms.  so stinky!  on the series i'm working on i've been attempting acrylic.  when i was pregnant with d i did a series of 'domestic' paintings strictly done with house paints and it was great.  the clean up so easy, no toxic fumes, brushes saved.

but seriously. it's not the same and i miss oils.  i need to paint with oils.  guess i'll have to open windows, get a fan, light some candles and get back to it.  now that the weather is nice maybe i'll clean out garage and claim it as my own.  hard though when looking at all the stuff three kids and two adults have dumped in there over the past few years. bikes, toboggans, snowblowers... daunting.

once again faced with the challenge of switching back and forth between obsessive painting and mothering.  i need to think about my paintings and be on top of the work, the steps that need to be taken to get it done- on this i'm very task orientated but at the same time i have to schedule in my kid's needs and it's hard.  i lost my temper with j today and i feel such a jerk.  later he asked me to be be nice mommy again to which i retorted, 'could you be listening to mommy j?'  i'm struggling to keep my momentum up and thought process going with my painting and to also take care of my kid's needs.  it's hard not to build resentment.

i'm reminded that without my kids, i would be not be in the healthy, happy mind set i'm in now and on the flip side, without my art i would be an awful mom... so carry on. remind myself to live in the moment, this is only going to happen once and i don't need to be perfect.

Cy Twombly

great interview, great artist.

just discovered and trying to digest his paintings.